So this morning, my father called me outside and showed me a Junebug (for you city folk, direct your attention to the picture lol). Why? I’m not sure, but then he said “see he sheds his skin, then he fly away, he might be dead tho, some never get their strength back when they shed their skin, but most do” ironically I found inspiration in that…
Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to shed some of my skin from the past. It’s been so hard, at times I thought I wasn’t going to make it or give up. Some times it is so much easier to stay the same and change when you’re forced to versus attempting to change on your own merit. Our chemical makeup, inclines us to be habitual creatures, outcasting our desire to be detail specific yet “simpletons” who accept day-to-day as is. However, since I was a littel girl, I was different. This summer, I’ve had several pre-quarter life crisis’ and they have played a roll in my change but most of all, there was something in my heart that desired to be better, longed for improvement, hungered for growth. People think growth means achievement of goals, financial propellance, or obtaining a certain level of hierarchy in adult life…but growth is the antithesis of that. Growth is possessing none of those things and dealing with it, when everyone else around seems to be flashing it as if it were Cartier wristware.
People have side-eyed at my spiritual growth and called to question how I could be so changed when just a few months ago, I was “WandaP”. But we all know, our past does not dictate our future, it only provides the needed prequisite and references if needed. It is hard to live a different spiritual, mental and physical lifestyle when you have shown people “you” for 4 or more straight years and all of a sudden, you don’t do the things you used to do anymore. People get upset, people get afraid, people get confused. They wanna know “are you going to be as fun, are you a Bible thumper, what can I say around you, do you think you’re better, and my favorite you’re crazy, we’re young.”
Me becoming closer to God, if anything makes me better. Those afraid of my change, may be afraid because it provides a mirror to their inner self that may be screaming for an oil change. I don’t force anything on anyone, this was just something I had to do for me. If you’re not inside my head, you may not understand.
I’ve also shed friends, some by choice, others not so much. Here’s my quote that sums up when one loses a friend:
“Seasons will always change: some jackets you grow out of, some you keep for sentimental value, some you gladly give away and others you lose or misplace…I’ve had all these happen to all my jackets in some of my seasons.”
It always hurts when you lose a friend, especially over something petty and if you had that friend for a long time and you’ve done all you can do to keep that friend. But you run into people with different types of personalities. Some people you want in your life during that season but they’re not meant to be there or their time is up, they played their role and we have to come to terms with that. But some people, I believe are just stubborn and unlike the junebug, when they shed skin, they die, not literally but figuratively. Some people can’t deal with change or disagreements, so they’d rather lose everything to prove a point and pride versus dealing with it. *another personal quote to describe the situation*:
“Some people will go a lifetime trying to figure out who was at fault, instead of taking a day to fix the error and move past it.”
They make decisions so hard. They make something so simple a difficult task. They’re angry on the inside. They run to certain people and things that won’t make them think or assess situations but they’re chasing away the genuine people, because they’re “oh so hurt” by something they could have been handled.
“Some folk make life hard, trying to carry the world on their sholders, when all they had to do was tell someone it was heavy, someone would have helped.”
Some people will be so selfish and lose everything. Selfish is synonomous with the word alone in my book.
I’ve also learned about shedding bad habits and poisonous guilty pleasures. Things and people we want will end up killing us, if not physically but mentally. It’s like chasing ghosts. What we want and desire is not good. There’s a saying that says when you want something so bad, you’re not meant to have it because it’s bad for you. We chase these ghosts, or these unobtainable things because it’s exciting or it makes us feel good for the moment. But temporary happiness is not worth permanent pain. There are a lot of things out here that I want, but I have to fight the temptation. A lot of things that are not out of my system because I’m still young and have a itch but I had to learn if I keep chasing those things, I will feel empty. Because those things take so much out of us, through preparation of the chase, through analysis of the plot, through full concentration of the mind and desire of the heart. When we want something, it takes over our whole mind and body. But when we don’t get it, we crash and burn and that my friends is the worst feeling ever.
We have to make the conscious decision to shed. Shed loose skin. Every person grows in their own season and time. So it may not be your season to shed those things or people. I believe it’s always everyone’s season to talk to God and have a relationship with God but maybe he has to take you through some things and some test for you to realize, you need Him. I’m never the type to force my views or opinions on people. I just provide them for open discussion. I’m always open to intriguing conversation and I love opinions. But in this season, my “summer of the junebug” I had to shed some things. And I’m currently soaring, I withstood the shed, the change, I’m ok. When you decide, you will be too.